it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
