I bet he comes in French.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
