$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
