Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
