I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
