just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
