yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize