What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
