do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
