So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
