you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
