i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
