it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize