I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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