please come you make the beer taste better
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
