So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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