The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
