I've blown a few things in my day
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
