Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
