Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
