We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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