I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
