i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
