i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
