Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize