weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
