Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
its liver damage thursday
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
