omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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