I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
