WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Your dad touched me again.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
