Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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