u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
a search helicopter?!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
