so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize