its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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