That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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