every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
