ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
