Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
