I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize