flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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