guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
