He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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