I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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