her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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