There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
