i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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