apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
