I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
