just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
