Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
