Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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