Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
