My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
tell me about the eggs
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
