i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
