You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Randomize
