Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize