dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
