Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
