reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
