When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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