i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
