fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
