You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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