omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I love you. Go after that dick
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
