the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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