i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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