WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
