Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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