i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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