im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
