did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
