it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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