i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
