Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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