i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
