U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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