I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
