do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
