I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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