I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
