U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
