Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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