what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
