Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize