Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
