Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
