am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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