i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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