kristin has been a bad kristin
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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