the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
