i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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