so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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