If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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