I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
