He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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