He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
