Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
