If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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