You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Pants are for mortals
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
