Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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