I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
