I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
two words...techno handjob
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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