i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
