Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Randomize
