I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
