The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
