I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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