2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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