Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
