You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
